The "Barbie" Film Has Become A New Sh*t Test For Women

 Funny thing I learned about the Barbie doll the other day: she was based on a comic strip character that was a prostitute. Appropriate, I suppose, because the doll was intended to train girls to stop thinking about being mothers and to instead sell their bodies and souls to corporations. 

    In any event, the new Barbie movie is a hot mess of feminism from the reviews I've read or watched. And that, naturally, has made it the new "shit test" for women. 

    For those of you not familiar with that term, a shit test "refers to women 'testing' men to make sure they are good enough for sex, relationships, or, simply, good enough to deserve their interest and keep the interaction going." As for the test itself:

The general idea is that a woman that is sexually interested in a man will tend to test his confidence, positive self-image and "frame control" by intentionally behaving in a hostile or provocative manner towards him to see how he will react to this "test."

If you display weakness or a lack of leadership in response, you fail the test.

    The Daily Mail is running a story today with the headline: "Don't get the Barbie film? You're dumped! Women's ultimatum to partners over movie's feminist message." Of course, as with all things related to "strong, independent women" it is based on a Tik-Tok trend. Because nothing spells "strong and independent" like a bunch of lemmings all jumping off the same cliff.

    The article relates:

    The American family-friendly film about a doll that comes to life – bursting with jokes and glitzy dance numbers – has become a benchmark for TikTok users to judge the suitability of their partner.

    Women are being urged to ditch men who do not understand the film's messages on feminism and patriarchy.

    The craze has been driven by TikTok users who insist that agreeing with the feminist themes in the Barbie film, 'should be standard in a relationship'.

    One wrote: 'Take your boyfriends to the Barbie movie and if they hate it, dump them.' Another said in a video liked 800 thousand times: 'I think taking your boyfriend to Barbie should be your relationship test to decide if he's a good long-term partner.'

    Another said: 'I think it's perfectly reasonable for women to break up with their boyfriends for their [negative] reaction to the Barbie movie.'

    One woman even cancelled her first date after the man refused to wear pink to see the film.

She'll be obsessing over him for weeks or months.

    Appended to the article is advice to men from a feminist on how to fail the shit test. She writes:

    Men, a word of warning: If your partner has persuaded you to submit to the pink and watch Barbie, she will probably turn to you during the end credits and ask: 'So...what did you think?'

    This is not an innocent question. The future of your relationship hangs in the balance. My advice is to stick to the script below:

    'What did I think of the Barbie movie?'

    'I'm so glad you asked. It opened my eyes. I had no idea just how much women suffer while men benefit from the structural and endemic imbalances of power. This film made me think about freedom – the freedom that would result if everyone enjoyed true equality, not just the freedom to rollerblade in a fluorescent unitard.

    'It's time for men to stand aside, to take a step back in order to truly support women, and give you room to pursue your most ambitious goals. We'll only get there if guys like me roll up our sleeves and empty the dishwasher.

    'But enough of that – after all, what does it matter what I think? I've had a lifetime of people asking me for my opinions. Clearly the only valid question now is: What do you think?'

Personally, I think a man that voluntarily goes to the see the film has already failed the shit test. But if you have made that mistake, be sure to laugh at the all of the inappropriate times (at least from the feminist perspective) and make sure your response to "what did you think" demonstrates male assertiveness and decisiveness. There is a reason that Fifty Shades of Grey was so immensely popular among modern women.